What You’ll Learn
In the beginning, you’ll learn about my life in the Philippines. How I was born in the suburbs of Manila as the youngest of four children, and was a lively kid with extremely big eyes and a big head - quite literally embodying my heightened awareness and innate curiosity. You’ll see my breadwinning parents decide to move to the U.S. for better opportunities, and how this physical separation from my homeland will lead to my emotional separation from my cultural identity.
Through my 5-year-old eyes, you’ll learn about the immigrant’s journey of assimilation and struggle. Of how the more I understood the English language, the more I became a “gifted and talented” student. Slowly, you’ll see my playfulness morph into shyness and obedience. How I did everything my parents wanted me to do - played chess, ran track, took tennis lessons, became a 3x Spelling Bee champion - because when I succeeded, they loved me.
You’ll learn about my queer origin story. Of how in the first grade, I had my first crush on a girl, and one day got so nervous that I threw a rock at her. Thankfully, she never knew it was me… and that she wasn’t hurt. You’ll see how this was just the beginning of my messy and deep crushes for girls who would never be what I imagined them to be.
Somewhere in the middle, you’ll learn about how I fell in love with stories. About how I loved “The Office” so much that I wrote my own episodes and fantasized about being a comedian. You’ll see how this love softened my life’s intensities and allowed me to dream. How that dream persisted throughout the soul-crushing years of taking AP classes and believing that going to a 4-year university was the only socially-acceptable way of “making it”. You’ll see how I grew up in the safety bubble of a black and brown community. And how when I reach college, that bubble will pop.
You’ll learn what happens to a kid who comes of age in social media, of how she found community in a Cinema Fraternity, then got blindsided by its toxicity. You’ll see me bounce back over and over again, discovering my artistic potential as I came to terms with my queer Filipina reality. You’ll learn that I spent 90% of college in the library than at parties, deluding myself into thinking I preferred it that way. Later, you’ll see me find fulfillment in teaching students and helping them gain confidence. Of how I realized that education was another place I could make a change. You’ll learn that it took the whole world to shut down for me to finally ground into myself, to finally stop reaching for stability. You’ll see my old habits die hard, but that I keep trying, and I keep learning. And in the end, you’ll learn that as my old life was ending, a new one was just beginning.